Legal Alien: A Scotsman in Montreal

Weirdo Alert

I was in a club over the weekend, and I spotted this girl on the dance floor and there was some eye contact and smiling, but I noticed she was dancing with some other guy. There doesn't appear to be anything between them and she is looking at me, so I move a bit closer and her friend slides round to block. Mmmm... ok, perhaps there is something going on there then. But the looks and glances from her continue and so my friend Rob tells me he's going to distract the guy to give me 30 seconds to talk to her.

As he pulls him away, I ask her if the two of them are together and she says no, so we chat a little but then the guy comes back and again the screening process begins. Again Rob distracts the guy and I ask again, saying that her friend doesn't seem to like me talking to her, but again she avows there's nothing, they're housemates. Fair enough, I think. I tell her that I think he's in love with her (cos honestly, girls can be awfully naive about guys' true feelings) but she just laughs.

Anyway, at one point she goes off and I try talking to the guy, and he seems friendly enough. When she comes back I take her to the bar to get a drink and am leaning on the bar talking to her with my arm round her waist when all of a sudden her friend grabs my hand off her. I try not to react and tell her what just happened and she seems very surprised.

I talk to my mates for a bit and they tell me that the guy has been threatening them. I then go back to talk to her and she asks me 'what's this about a bet?' I ask if her friend told her that and she said yes, and I tell her that he's just making stuff up cos he doesn't like me. Anyway, before things can get ugly, I tell her just to give me her number and I'll call her so that her friend doesn't go postal.

So I kind of walk away and talk to my friends again, and they tell me that when they've waved hello at the guy, he's given them the finger and told them that he was having a great time until us Geordie ****s turned up. (which i must protest about, since none of us are Geordie).

Apparently he also asked Rob why I was talking to his girlfriend. Rob said that he didn't think she was his girlfriend and said if I ask her, will she say that you guys are going out? Yes he says. So Rob asks. No, she says. Rob tells this to the guy and he says, well, we're off and on. And Rob asks, so, are you on or off right now? And he says, well, off.

Luckily he's moving to Birmingham, oooh, today I think.