Legal Alien: A Scotsman in Montreal

 
How to hunt an elephant

   


Computer Programmers hunt elephants by exercising Algorithm A:
1. Go to Africa.
2. Start at the Cape of Good Hope.
3. Work northward in an orderly manner, traversing the continent alternately east and west.
4. During each traverse pass: catch each animal seen, compare each animal caught to a known elephant, stop when a match is detected.


Experience Computer Programmes
modify Algorithm A by placing a known elephant in Cairo to ensure that the algorithm will terminate.

Assembly Language Programmers prefer to execute Algorithm A on their hands and knees.

Engineers
hunt elephants by going to Africa, catching gray animals at random, and stopping when any one of them weighs within plus or minus 15 percent of any previously observed elephant.

Economists don't hunt elephants, but they believe that if elephants are paid enough, they will hunt themselves.

Statisticians hunt the first animal they see N times and call it an elephant.

Consultants
don't hunt elephants, and many have never hunted anything at all, but they can be hired by the hour to advise those people who do.

Senior Managers set broad elephant-hunting policy based on the assumption that elephants are just like field mice, but with deeper voices.

Quality Assurance Inspectors ignore the elephants and look for mistakes the other hunters made when they were packing the jeep.

Sales People don't hunt elephants but spend their time selling elephants they haven't caught, for delivery two days before the season opens.

Software Sales People ship the first thing they catch and write up an invoice for an elephant.

Hardware Sales People
catch rabbits, paint them gray, and sell them as desktop elephants.