Legal Alien: A Scotsman in Montreal

There is. A house. In New Orleans.

So I was bored last night. Nothing to do, nothing on TV, and the only football being shown was a match between Crystal Palace and Fulham - both London teams, neither of whom I care about nor who promise exciting exhilarating football. Unless you put a bet on it.

Thinking about it, I realised that I've never placed a bet before, but I knew that I could score a free £10 bet with an online bookie. So, about half an hour before kick-off I placed the following bets:

- Andy Johnson to score first, £3 @ 9/2
- Correct Score, Fulham to win 2-0, £2 @10-1
- Total Goals, 0 or 1, £10 @21-10

I tell you it certainly made the game interesting! It was highly confusing because I'd basically covered myself - if Palace attacked, then I wanted Andy Johnson to be in the box, not on the end of a cross. But at the same time, I didn't want Palace to score as it would rule out my Correct Score bet, and reduce the chances of my total goals prediction coming true.

At half-time it was 0-0. Good news. But, Fulham had a man sent-off after 5 minutes which meant that my Fulham to win 2-0 was pretty much written off. Then after about 60 minutes, Andy Johnson scores! Palace lead 1-0, and I've just made myself £10.50. For the next half hour I needed no-one to score and then I'd pick up an extra £21. I got very excited at this point, praying that Palace would be incapable of adding to their tally. Alas, about 10 minutes later they score. Bummer. Still, at least I won something. It did mean the last 20 minutes were unimportant - something that can be changed with a last goalscorer bet. Maybe next time.....