Legal Alien: A Scotsman in Montreal

Woah! Just what is the Matrix and why is the Matrix, and do I understand why it is that I am doing what I am in the Matrix? (spoliers)

Well that stunk. Matrix Reloaded, pffft. How badly done was that? So many horrid, horrid moments. Even the fight scenes couldn't save it *yawn* First of all, they used the cheapest film artisitic technique ever: "and then he woke up." Then what was with the Morpheus: "let us dance like it is 1999" scene? A warehouse rave?! (perhaps they misunderstood when someone told them that dance music was underground). Complete with Asian dude going crazy and the girls gyrating against each other. All of this intercut with the Trinity&Neo scene. All of a sudden it was like watching "The Real Matrix" or "Girls Gone Wild: in Zion!"

So many loose ends and irrelevancies: like the French dude (wiz ze outraaajus accent! I fully expected him to call them "stupid english pigdogs" and compare their mother to a hamster). And then the Monica Belluci thing, and the kiss. Why a kiss? And then there being no fallout between Trinity and Neo afterwards so what was the point? And then the white dreadlocked twins? I hope they come back, otherwise again, why bother? Then the oracle protector guy - didn't he know that that Neo was the One? No, let's just fight for the hell of it. Lame.

Of course, there were good points. The car chase scene was good, so was the Mr Smith fight (but it went on waaaaay too long). I liked the way that there was a bit of a power struggle in Zion - cos you always got the impression that Morpheus was da man in the first movie. Also what I think could save the third movie is the whole Mr Smith-in-the-real-world thing. Although quite why the Matrix hasn't gone after him and tried to delete him is another one of those little inconveniences.

I confess that I don't understand what went on with The Architect, my mind wasn't really tuned in. I got distracted by all the screens in the background (showing the wide range of Keanu's inacting abilities). But if I get this straight then 'the one' is the cumulative result of all the anomalies caused by human behaviour and that 'the one' is just a new way (the whole choice issue) of getting them altogether to present itself to the Architect in order to restart the Matrix. Though it's about as clear as mud right now to me.....