Legal Alien: A Scotsman in Montreal

 
Carpe Diem?

Single again.

After "umming" and "ahhing" for about a week, I decided it would probably be for the better that C and I split up. I'm not sure I can quite place where or why the feeling that it wasn't working came from. I guess it was a gut reaction, which from experience I know is usually right but often ignored. We'd already discussed the fact that I was leaving and so it was really just a choice of whether or not I wanted to have some fun during the summer. Perhaps it was the fact that I'm not capable of having a relationship if it's doomed to failure; it's not worth the emotional effort or input, or perhaps I just didn't fancy her but there weren't any real sparks there for me anymore. Another problem was the fact that when I thought about the future, C was never there and I would still look forward to it. I found it hard to reconcile the future and the present situations. I guess I always saw myself as being single this summer, and before we met I had come to the conclusion that I shouldn't look for anything. Oh well, the best laid plans and all that.

Of course, now I'm questioning the decision - I guess it's just the guilty doubting period that hopefully will soon pass. Just that when I was talking to her I was half-asking myself WTF I was doing breaking up with her. I really am guessing here, I've never been the break-up-er before (well, not directly, with Mel it was more like I made her break-up with me through general lack-of-interest on my part.)