Legal Alien: A Scotsman in Montreal

 
Meet the Parents a.k.a. How to Ensure Your Girlfriend's Mother Hates You Forever

Step 1) Meet a girl at the start of the university year, say, mid-October
Step 2) Make sure that she doesn't tell her parents about you until they come to pick her up at Christmas
Step 3) Go and visit the girl at her parents' house at New Year
Step 4) Sleep on the world's squeakiest sofa bed in the house with the thinnest walls in the world
Step 5) Drink enough on New Year's so your girlfriend doesn't return to her own room that night
Step 6) Enjoy the pleasure of being asked to "stay in your own rooms tonight" by her mother during the family's evening meal
Step 7) Extend your stay by not having a valid return ticket
Step 8) When leaving behind chocolates as a peace offering, be sure that they are mouldy.
Step 9) Beat her mother at Scrabble on subsequent visits
Step 10) Make friends with her father by talking sports
Step 11) Continue to go out with the girl for the next 3 1/2 years

And How to Ensure Your Girlfriend's Mother LovesYou Forever
Step 1) Speak a different language
Step 2) Smile shyly in complete bemusement of everything that happens
Step 3) Call her "ta belle-mere prefere" (n.b. might not work in cultures other than Quebec)